She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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