Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
