If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize