dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize