Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
