How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
