if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize