Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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