so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
