I didn't shave. On purpose
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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