Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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