I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
