sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize