You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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