Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
