You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
