I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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