dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
