so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
