Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sext me about skeletons
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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