totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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