i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
