margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize