There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
