She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
