Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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