just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone shit on the floor
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize