I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
