The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My hand turned me down
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
