my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
