exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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