Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
