The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
