One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
