so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
