5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
