it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
