The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
