Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
