i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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