every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
