Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
