He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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