I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
