I faked an abortion last night.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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