dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize