A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
