I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
