Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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