im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
