Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
