Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
