those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
