Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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