this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
