butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
wrigley field is MILF paradise
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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