Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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