Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
