Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
