lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
