i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We're too hungover to prance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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