"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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