Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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