Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize