what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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