Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize