Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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