I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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