Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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