just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
