you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your cock deserves a montage
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
