Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
